I’ve been exclusively pumping breastmilk for the babies almost since they were born. I was so committed to nursing when I was pregnant, but after they were born, I realized I just hadn’t assembled the resources I needed to make it work. Alex refused to latch, Avery had thrush which hurt me like hell, and she fell asleep every time she tried to eat on top of that. I was exhausted trying to feed them and had no time to do anything else, like eat or shower or sleep. So I pumped more than I nursed. And soon I was just pumping. And here I am, 6 months later, still pumping. I am really proud of myself for sticking it out this long, because it has not been easy. They each get about 21 ounces of my milk per day, plus a few more mixed with their cereal. They also get one bottle of formula. Pumping is all the work of bottles and all the restrictions and time commitments of breastfeeding without the physical bonding. It’s getting harder and harder to do, with Alex rolling under everything in sight and both of them being more social and less patient with the idea of sitting around for 20 minutes. There are many days when I feel like a dairy cow. I’ve had two really painful plugged ducts and one case of mastitis – 103 degree fevers are not fun when you have two babies to care for. Most days, I just dread the pump time.

With all that in mind, I talked it over with Don and had decided to stop pumping by the end of the year. Six months is a great run, longer than many women make it breastfeeding, and I thought I was comfortable with quitting. I was counting the days to December 13, when I would start to wean. I was excited to have caffeine and wear normal bras again. But I felt guilty, too. That’s a good Catholic mom with her Catholic guilt, I guess. My supply is good. Formula is expensive. The babies are getting so much benefit – they’ve never even been sick, and I think it has a lot to do with breastfeeding. So I started to read and research, and found that even though I am pumping 4 times per day now, I can probably wean down to 2 sessions and still get a decent amount of milk since my supply is well established. And now I am thinking I won’t quit yet. I’ll try the two times per day thing – after they wake up and are fed and changed, and then at night before I go to bed. Basically, every 12 hours. And I’ll see how it goes. Maybe they’ll need 2 or even 3 formula bottles a day once my stash of frozen milk is gone. But that’ll still be cheaper and better for them than all formula, all the time.

I have selfish reasons to continue, too, like the fact that I am 10 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight and still losing. My tummy skin looks like a deflated balloon, but I am skinny and I eat anything i want – cookies, ice cream, etc. and don’t worry about what it’ll do to my ass. And my pumping time is my computer time that I don’t have to feel bad about, because I can’t do anything else when I am all hooked up.

So here I sit, 3 days from the day I had planned to start weaning, and instead I have decided to be down to 2 pumps by January 1, and I’ll see how that goes until January 13th when they’ll be 7 months old. I’m not thrilled with the choice, but I can live with it. Once I really do quit, there’s no going back, and I’d rather not regret that decision the way I regret the one to give up on nursing.

Can’t believe I forgot to write what everyone else is thankful for!

Alex is thankful for binkies and a mom who lets him sleep on his belly now that he can roll onto it.  And he’s thankful his neck swivels, so that being on his belly doesn’t mean he has to hold his head up or lay on his face (as he once thought.)

Avery is very, very thankful for her left foot.  I don’t know why she likes it so much better than the right, but she does.  She talks to it and sings to it and holds it lovingly anytime she can.  I am pretty sure she is thankful for Alex sleeping better too, as it makes it much quieter and easier for her at night as well.

Kenna, Colby, and Luna are thankful the babies can’t crawl yet.

For Thanksgiving this year, we went to my aunt Jimmie’s house, as we usually do. It’s amazing how long it took Don and I to get out of the house with all the needed supplies for a day. We took the swing and bouncy seat so they’d be able to nap at her house. Yeah right – Avery refused, but Alex did take a few catnaps. By the end of the day, after a few tastes of pumpkin pie, they were just fried and she was shrieking from being so exhausted. They did at least sleep on the way home – one more thing to be thankful for! It’s fun to see the babies interact with other people. Alex doesn’t seem to care much who holds him, but he definitely checks you out if you’re new. That look Santa got in the picture in the previous post is what everyone gets. And Avery, well she is more particular and does this little bottom lip pout and then cry when someone new looks at her sideways. She loves my grandmother though – she’ll hang out in her arms all day.
I know it’s a Thanksgiving cliche to reflect and enumerate all you have to be thankful for, but it is the point of the holiday too, right? Don and I talk all the time about how much we have to be thankful for now, how lucky we are to have these little miracles in our lives. We’re so thankful for the doctors and the science that helped us make our dream of being parents a reality. Two years ago, we were being told we might never have our own children, and last year we were nervous and praying both babies would make it to delivery. So this year we’re thankful that our babies arrived healthy and have stayed that way. They are incredible little beings. We’re thankful for every little smile and giggle and gurgle. Our lives are so different than they used to be, but only in the best ways. Thanksgiving this year also made me think about how much I cherish Don, what an amazing father and husband he is, and how lucky Alex, Avery, and I are to have him. Seeing him with the babies makes me love him in new ways. We are blessed with family, friends, health, security – pretty much everything we could ever want, and that made this a very special Thanksgiving – definitely one where the meaning of the holiday hit home for me.

I have so many things I want to fill everyone in on.  But I will admit to being lazy and just not getting the job done lately.  Everyone is fine and happy and growing and learning new things every day.  I’m making a list now and vowing to do a post each day until I get through these topics!

1. Thanksgiving
2. New Skillz
3. Sleep Update
4. St. Michaels – first overnight away from the babies
5. Quitting the Pump

Hm, it seemed like so much more in my head.  Maybe I am forgetting some.  But anyway, I am going to be better about it, so check back tomorrow!