I’ve been exclusively pumping breastmilk for the babies almost since they were born. I was so committed to nursing when I was pregnant, but after they were born, I realized I just hadn’t assembled the resources I needed to make it work. Alex refused to latch, Avery had thrush which hurt me like hell, and she fell asleep every time she tried to eat on top of that. I was exhausted trying to feed them and had no time to do anything else, like eat or shower or sleep. So I pumped more than I nursed. And soon I was just pumping. And here I am, 6 months later, still pumping. I am really proud of myself for sticking it out this long, because it has not been easy. They each get about 21 ounces of my milk per day, plus a few more mixed with their cereal. They also get one bottle of formula. Pumping is all the work of bottles and all the restrictions and time commitments of breastfeeding without the physical bonding. It’s getting harder and harder to do, with Alex rolling under everything in sight and both of them being more social and less patient with the idea of sitting around for 20 minutes. There are many days when I feel like a dairy cow. I’ve had two really painful plugged ducts and one case of mastitis – 103 degree fevers are not fun when you have two babies to care for. Most days, I just dread the pump time.

With all that in mind, I talked it over with Don and had decided to stop pumping by the end of the year. Six months is a great run, longer than many women make it breastfeeding, and I thought I was comfortable with quitting. I was counting the days to December 13, when I would start to wean. I was excited to have caffeine and wear normal bras again. But I felt guilty, too. That’s a good Catholic mom with her Catholic guilt, I guess. My supply is good. Formula is expensive. The babies are getting so much benefit – they’ve never even been sick, and I think it has a lot to do with breastfeeding. So I started to read and research, and found that even though I am pumping 4 times per day now, I can probably wean down to 2 sessions and still get a decent amount of milk since my supply is well established. And now I am thinking I won’t quit yet. I’ll try the two times per day thing – after they wake up and are fed and changed, and then at night before I go to bed. Basically, every 12 hours. And I’ll see how it goes. Maybe they’ll need 2 or even 3 formula bottles a day once my stash of frozen milk is gone. But that’ll still be cheaper and better for them than all formula, all the time.

I have selfish reasons to continue, too, like the fact that I am 10 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight and still losing. My tummy skin looks like a deflated balloon, but I am skinny and I eat anything i want – cookies, ice cream, etc. and don’t worry about what it’ll do to my ass. And my pumping time is my computer time that I don’t have to feel bad about, because I can’t do anything else when I am all hooked up.

So here I sit, 3 days from the day I had planned to start weaning, and instead I have decided to be down to 2 pumps by January 1, and I’ll see how that goes until January 13th when they’ll be 7 months old. I’m not thrilled with the choice, but I can live with it. Once I really do quit, there’s no going back, and I’d rather not regret that decision the way I regret the one to give up on nursing.

For Thanksgiving this year, we went to my aunt Jimmie’s house, as we usually do. It’s amazing how long it took Don and I to get out of the house with all the needed supplies for a day. We took the swing and bouncy seat so they’d be able to nap at her house. Yeah right – Avery refused, but Alex did take a few catnaps. By the end of the day, after a few tastes of pumpkin pie, they were just fried and she was shrieking from being so exhausted. They did at least sleep on the way home – one more thing to be thankful for! It’s fun to see the babies interact with other people. Alex doesn’t seem to care much who holds him, but he definitely checks you out if you’re new. That look Santa got in the picture in the previous post is what everyone gets. And Avery, well she is more particular and does this little bottom lip pout and then cry when someone new looks at her sideways. She loves my grandmother though – she’ll hang out in her arms all day.
I know it’s a Thanksgiving cliche to reflect and enumerate all you have to be thankful for, but it is the point of the holiday too, right? Don and I talk all the time about how much we have to be thankful for now, how lucky we are to have these little miracles in our lives. We’re so thankful for the doctors and the science that helped us make our dream of being parents a reality. Two years ago, we were being told we might never have our own children, and last year we were nervous and praying both babies would make it to delivery. So this year we’re thankful that our babies arrived healthy and have stayed that way. They are incredible little beings. We’re thankful for every little smile and giggle and gurgle. Our lives are so different than they used to be, but only in the best ways. Thanksgiving this year also made me think about how much I cherish Don, what an amazing father and husband he is, and how lucky Alex, Avery, and I are to have him. Seeing him with the babies makes me love him in new ways. We are blessed with family, friends, health, security – pretty much everything we could ever want, and that made this a very special Thanksgiving – definitely one where the meaning of the holiday hit home for me.

I have so many things I want to fill everyone in on.  But I will admit to being lazy and just not getting the job done lately.  Everyone is fine and happy and growing and learning new things every day.  I’m making a list now and vowing to do a post each day until I get through these topics!

1. Thanksgiving
2. New Skillz
3. Sleep Update
4. St. Michaels – first overnight away from the babies
5. Quitting the Pump

Hm, it seemed like so much more in my head.  Maybe I am forgetting some.  But anyway, I am going to be better about it, so check back tomorrow!

In all my dreams about parenthood, I don’t think I ever realized quite how sleep deprived I was going to be…for the rest of my life. It started when i was pregnant and up 2-5 times every night for a trip to the bathroom. And then, in the early days with the babies home, I knew it would be an all night party. But here we are, 4 months later, and I finally allowed myself to realize that a good night’s sleep will be the exception rather than the rule, probably for a few years to come. It occurred to me yesterday that I am probably NEVER going to sleep late again. Ever. And boy did I used to love to sleep late!
I am THRILLED to announce that Avery is now technically sleeping through the night! Friday, she just never woke up for the 2 ounce, 3 am bottle. Then, Saturday, she skipped even the big 5 ounce, 10:30 one. She did get about an ounce at 1:00, but that was because Don came up from sleeping on the couch, and the dogs banged their tails on the walls in the hallway and it woke her up. I have every confidence she would have gone 12 hours on her own that night. Last night, she woke for only the 5 ounce one and even though she was awake when I went in at 3 to feed Alex, she just sucked her little thumb and didn’t need me or the bottle! She’s gotten so good at aiming that thumb right into her mouth and going to town on it. Honestly, I think thumbsucking is gross, but since she can’t grab the pacie and stick it back in yet, I’ll deal with the thumb.

The bad news is that Alex is still waking at 2 or 3 to eat that tiny little bit. I know it’s more habit than hunger, so hopefully he’ll start to skip it too. It wouldn’t be so bad, because feeding him that little amount only takes 5 minutes, but I also have to pump then. And that takes a good 25 minutes to set up, do, and clean up. Then I go lay in bed and listen to the snoring coming from the dogs, the cat, and/or the husband on any given night – usually at least 2 of them are going at it. It just doesn’t make for a great night’s sleep. I keep debating quitting – the babies are now getting one formula bottle right before bedtime – but I haven’t done it yet. I won’t keep them on breastmilk forever, and some days I don’t mind it, but others I am just tired and want to stop. Once Alex sleeps through, I will stop pumping at that time, but for now, I’ll continue. Alex’s other habit is that he thinks 4:30 or 5 or 6 (on a good day, 6) are perfectly acceptable times to yell and scream and begin the day. Sometimes he just coos and listens to himself talk while he sucks on his fingers, but most days it erupts into crying within 20 minutes or so. I can put the pillow over my head and sleep through it, but Don can’t, so we’re hoping that he learns pretty quickly that we aren’t coming in to get him at that hour. I had been running in to stuff the pacifier back in, lest he wake Avery, but she is sleeping through pretty much any noises he makes now. She likes to sleep til about 7.

No matter what time they wake up, they are full of smiles and so glad to see us in the mornings. It’s *almost* turning me into a morning person, because I look forward to cuddling them again. I have to admit, as excited as I am that Avery is sleeping through, I miss holding her in the middle of the night! I’ll get over that, though, and am looking forward to Alex figuring it out so I can sleep through the night too, for the first time in about a year!

We have been slacking on getting all of the pictures that we have been taking online. Well I finally got caught up last night and today.

The September album has been updated with 50+ pictures.

A small album has been added with pictures from when we took the kids to a baseball game.

Pictures from when Jen took the kids to have pictures taken of them in their Halloween costumes are up (with instructions on how to view and order them for yourself).

And we started an October album with a few pictures that we’ve taken so far this month.

That about does it for pictures. We’re now up to date online with all that we’ve taken here at home. You didn’t actually think that we stopped taking pictures, did you?

As you can see we’ve added a new header graphic to the website that shows how old the kids are. They’re just about 4 months now and seem to get bigger every day. They’re full of smiles and giggles now and are really starting to show their personalities.

Avery has definitely figured out the “I go to sleep when it’s bedtime” thing, Alex is still working on that. They’re both sleeping much better as far as the rest of the night goes, except for the fact that they seem to want to get up in the late 5am-6am hour. Jen is not happy about this!

Jen’s getting out more with the kids during the week and they’ve been doing great with being out and about. It’s also good for her to be able to get out of the house and do more normal things. She’s also started tutoring on Thursday evenings and just got her second job today (yay). This too helps her have a temporary break from her normal full-time (24 hr a day) job of being supermom.

That’s about it for now. I’m trying to get our basement bathroom finished (getting close). The major challenge is trying to find the time to work on it. If anybody wants to come up for a Saturday to help Jen with the kids feel free to give us a call, that’s about the only way I can dedicate serious time to any project at this point.

I can’t believe it. 31 used to be old, but now it can’t be, because, well, that would make me old, and I’m barely even a grownup!

Seriously, even though this birthday is going to be very low key, it’s already the best one ever. People keep asking me what I want, and I don’t know what to tell them. I finally have everything I’ve ever wanted – an amazing husband, two healthy, beautiful children, and an all around feeling of satisfaction with where my life is right now. What more is there?