You have to love the mind of a 2 year old boy.

Yesterday as I was getting the twins ready for their nap, or maybe it was up from the nap, I heard Alex say pee-pee. He had a run a couple of weeks ago where he decided he wasn’t potty trained anymore, so I’ve been more alert than usual for potty words. He was sitting in his bed, and I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, “No, my flying monkey pee-pee on my milk.” He has this toy from a Happy Meal Pop-Pop got for him:

I asked how his monkey was peeing on his milk. He held up the monkey and showed me. The monkey’s head was turned totally backwards so the wings and tail appeared to be in the front. The tail didn’t look like a tail from that angle. And sure enough, my son said, “See? There his penis, pee pee on my milk.”

Then there was the incident two weeks ago when we were headed into a store, and Avery and Alex were getting out of the back of the van. To do that, they have to sit down and hang their legs over the bumper before jumping down. Alex was first and Avery sat down behind him a little too quickly, accidentally kicking him in the back. As we were walking in to the store, with both of them holding on to Adam’s stroller like good little angels, Alex unmistakeably looked at Avery and said, “Aisy knuckle sandwich.” His usage was a little off - he was calling her a knuckle sandwich rather than offering to give her one, but I realized it’s definitely time to start watching what I say around them!

After Alex went over the crib again last week and limped for three days, we thought it best to either put on the crib tent or convert his crib to a toddler bed, which meant just removing the front and replacing it with a small rail to keep him from falling out. So Saturday morning, Alex & Daddy brought out the tools and put on the rail. We also gated his room off so even if he opened the door, he wouldn’t have the run of the house. Here’s how the transition went.

Saturday: Nap was perfect, and so was bedtime. He climbed right in and stayed there. I was beyond shocked that it was this easy.

Sunday: Just like Saturday. So I was thinking this was going to be a breeze. No adjustment issues for MY son.

Monday: Nap was great, but somewhere around 2 a.m. it finally occurred to him that he could get out of the bed whenever he wanted. Like 2:00, to pee. And 2:10, to say he had to poop when he didn’t really. And 2:15 to open and close the bedroom door a few times. And 2:17 to play with books and stuffed animals. By then I said forget it about getting up and putting him back in bed - let him play and he’d eventually fall asleep, be it in the bed or on the floor. But I was tired, so I went back to sleep.

Tuesday: Woke up around 7 and stood at his door, saying “Mommy? Mommy! Assah wake!” Another good nap. And finally, a night when it took him a while to fall asleep. I am not remembering anything in particular, but I am sure he didn’t just stay in bed at bedtime.

Wednesday: Alex woke a little earlier than usual and knocked the gate down to come into Adam’s room and tell me he was awake. I made a mental note to tighten the gate. Naptime was fine. Bedtime was nuts. We could tell he was probably out of bed, but were letting it slide. Finally, at around 9 I went back in to tell them both to stop giggling and go to sleep. I found Alex sitting outside Avery’s crib, laughing, and Avery sitting on top of every freaking book they own. He’d thrown three little crates full of books into her crib. Oh, they thought it was hilarious. She couldn’t have gone to sleep if she wanted to - there was no mattress even visible. So I cleaned them out and put him back to bed and told the kids to GO TO SLEEP!

Thursday: Alex woke before 7. I snuck into the shower and planned to get him once I was clean. The gate was extra tight to prevent him from knocking it over. So, showing great ingenuity, he hauled over a chair and must have stood on it and gone over the gate, because he greeted me in the bathroom, and the chair and gate greeted me at the door to their room. Lovely, no worries for broken legs there, right? (Which is what the whole bed thing was about in the first place.) No nap because we went to the zoo. At bedtime, they were so exhausted, they did pretty much go right to sleep. But at 8:45 or so, Avery cried out, so I went to check on her and damn near stepped on Alex when I went in. He was crashed out in the middle of the floor with his binky in his mouth, so I moved him back to bed and he stayed there.

I cannot imagine trying to do this with them both at the same time. For now, I am thankful that their new pet fish, who live on their dressers, haven’t been upended in his wanderings. I’ll worry about Avery being in a bed in, oh, a year or so. And Adam will never have this transition because at this rate, he’ll be sleeping in a swing til he leaves for college.

No, we’re not wasted away in Margaritaville. But a mom can dream…

Earlier this week, we had a playdate at a friend’s house and rushed home just in time for a quick lunch for the twins. Adam was very tired, so after plunking the twins down at the kitchen table with some munchies, I took Adam to his room to feed, rock, and put down for a nap. It’s a quick and easy job when he’s so sleepy, maybe 5 minutes. And the twins are used to eating on their own at that table while I deal with the baby. They’ll wander in with messy hands to tell me if they need something usually.

In hindsight, I should have known it seemed too quiet in the kitchen, I suppose. But I enjoyed the peace and time with Adam. I walked back into the kitchen ready to wipe them off, hit the potty, and do the naptime routine. But I found piles of salt. Everywhere. Like a whole shaker full. On the floor. On their plates. On the table. On their clothes. On their hands and faces. In their hair. Oh, and they were sooooo pleased with themselves. And they were already headed for a late nap even before the mess.

“Who did this????” I asked.

Avery proudly replied, “Avery and Alex did this!” Huge smile. She was thrilled.

Alex added, “Assah needed peppah sauce.”

Oh, well, that explains it.

The real problem is that the salt shaker had been clogged. And I clearly remember last week when Don went to salt something on his dinner plate, found the clog, and cleared it. A little too well, I guess.
Lesson learned.

I was out tutoring last Thursday (the 17th,) and Don was handling bedtime for all 3 kids. At one point, he left Adam in the aquarium bouncy seat in his room, and the twins were in with him, while Don went to refill Avery’s cup of water. He was heading back to the room when he heard Adam suddenly crying. Those two little beasts had managed to FLIP the baby UPSIDE DOWN in the bouncy seat. Like, nose on the carpet, suspended from the t-strap, wire base up in the air, upside down. Don didn’t even ask for an explanation, he just grabbed Adam and tried to comfort him since he said the poor guy looked so terrified and was so upset. And he said the twins looked like they knew they had messed up bigtime, so he just told them they’d been very bad and put them to bed. I asked today, and of course they both could tell me all about it, but when I asked who flipped it, Alex said “Easy” and she said “Awix.” Those turkeys know how to work that twins thing, that’s for sure. Adam seems no worse for the wear, though I kept him out of that bouncer today so as not to give him some PTSD episode. Things like this are why God made him so big, I think. He’s gonna have to be able to fight back very, very soon!

Literally. Monday was just plain gross.

Adam pooped in his jumper while the twins ate lunch. Down his leg, to the floor, so he was dancing in it. Yuck.

Alex pooped in his underwear when he woke up from his nap, before I went in to get him. I stopped doing pull-ups at naptime because they were always dry. Double yuck.

And Avery had her normal naptime one too. She waited until yesterday, the one day I’ve ever let her sleep in her tutu, to have her first gross leaky diaper in probably a year. She got her sheets, the mattress pad, her skirt, and, of course, the damn tutu. Triple yuck.

And for good measure, Alex the potty trained wonder, who finally tells us when he has to pee or poop, pooped in his underwear after dinner tonight. Quadruple yuck.

I think we need to cut back on the fruit in this house or something.

I am so.done.with.poop!

I don’t know when I turned into such a girl. It’s late spring, and the warmer weather has brought out lots of interesting creepy crawly things. Caterpillars, ants, bees, spiders, and more are all over the place. And suddenly, I, the girl who played with worms for hours as a kid, can’t stand any of them. The twins are curious and want to know what everything is, and are willing to pick many of them up. I don’t want to turn them into wusses about bugs. The kids who wouldn’t come near the caterpillars in our butterfly life cycles unit when I was teaching drove me nuts, but I still find myself telling Alex and Avery not to touch anything. And I can tell they are getting sort of freaked out, because Avery does the same little shiver I do anytime a bee is near, and they both say “Oh no!” and show me every spider web in their clubhouse. For some reason I have it in my head that the little hairs on the caterpillars can hurt them, when I know I used to pick them up as a kid and don’t remember it hurting. Alex managed to sit in an anthill in our neighbor’s yard last week and was crawling in them, head to toe - the BIG ones. I’m so glad none bit him, but I had to strip him naked in the yard and swat them all off. Eeeew! I get skeeved out just thinking about it as I type this. I’ll be better when the lightning bugs come - they don’t creep me out, at least.

The title says it all. Yesterday, I had had it by 9 am and had given myself a time out in the basement to cool off. Not that the twins accepted that - they stood at the gate at the top of the steps, ripped the lids off their Color Wonder markers, and threw them down the steps at me. Adam had bad night the night before and was up for the day at 6 am, and I was up late addressing announcements, so I was tired and grouchy. And Alex and Avery were in full whiny, cranky, disagree for the sake of disagreeing mode. He hit her in the head with the stick part of the Sweeping Sam broom on purpose - like chased her around the living room with it until he made contact with her skull, and she insisted on doing her high pitched shriek every time Adam was almost asleep. They sat in Adam’s swing and bouncy seat, climbed the toilet and desk, slammed the porch slider open and closed a million times, threw food… you name it. We were all very much on one another’s nerves. I think the twins have figured out that I can’t be as on top of them, discipline wise, when I am nursing the baby, so they act up from jealousy and just because they know they can get away with more. Honestly, yesterday was the worst I’ve had since Adam was born and it all around sucked! Days like that make me question myself as a mother because I know I lose patience when I shouldn’t, and then I feel guilty.

But then we have days like today that are the polar opposite. I was able to go to bed a little earlier last night and Adam took a bottle from Don, and then this morning the twins slept until 8 and I was also able to get Adam to sleep til almost 8 as well. (Not like through the night, he’s still up every two hours at night, but 7 hours of non-consecutive sleep are still waaaay better than 4.) I decided this morning that we would take advantage of the nice weather and go to Green Meadows Petting Farm which is only about ten minutes from our house. Before Adam was born, I was afraid I’d never leave the house alone with all three, but we’ve done story time at the library successfully a few times, so I decided to give it a whirl. It ended up being AMAZING. Adam slept in the Bjorn the whole time we were there, and Alex and Avery had a blast petting pigs, a bull, and a zebra, chasing chickens, holding a duck, and feeding goats and sheep. There are lots of pics of all that in an album we setup. My kids have NO fear, apparently. Well except for milking cows, which they wouldn’t do, but I think they were weirded out by the guy who was supervising that, not the cow herself. Alex also greatly enjoyed the Purell dispenser stations. Too bad for him there aren’t public museums of just those. More than anything, it was just a really enjoyable day with lots of smiles and cooperation that made me feel like maybe I am doing alright with them. Then again, I did feed them Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies for lunch, but whatever. I thought the farm had a concession stand and it didn’t. Oh well.

They really are good kids. I’m so lucky. Alex is starting to talk in sentences and some of what he comes up with is just a riot. He was happy to tell Grandma Nancy his own version of the story of Daddy drilling his hand and getting a boo-boo a couple of weeks ago. He calls himself “Assa” these days and corrected Adam the other day for spitting up: “Adam, no pit muk (milk) Eeeew.” Avery’s favorite new words are “yestuhday” (anything that happened more than about 5 minutes ago in her world) and “maybe sumtin else” when you suggest something she doesn’t care for. Well, that or the shriek I spoke of above, depending on her mood. She likes to tell me things match, like if we wear the same color shirt. They both love their baby brother so much, and it makes me smile when I see them do caring things like rock his car seat and tell him not to cry when he’s upset. Avery accidentally fell on him today, I mean flattened him like a pancake, and I immediately had two crying babies on my hands. Adam stopped as soon as I picked him up, but she was sobbing. I asked her what hurt, and finally got out of her that nothing hurt - she was so upset because she thought she’d hurt baby Adam. And Adam is SUCH a sweet, easy baby. He gets pretty fussy for a couple of hours in early evening a few nights a week, and he screams bloody murder in the car seat, but other than that, he is a dream. He has been smiling for a couple of weeks, which just melts my heart. It seemed to take forever for the twins to smile, but Adam does it all the time when you talk to him. So cute. And even though he’s up often at night, he’s really good about going right back down after he eats and spends most of the night in his crib, from about 11 to 6 most nights.

All in all, there have been so many more good days than bad ones, and it helps to remember that and look forward to what’s to come.